Repentance, Forgiveness & Restoration

Repentance, Forgiveness & Restoration (RFR)

Have you ever said, "I'm sorry?" (When is this the appropriate thing to say?)

Have you ever said, "I'm sorry," when what was really needed was a humble plea to be forgiven?

Many brothers and sisters confuse regret with repentance. You cannot repent without regret, but you can regret without repentance!

2 Corinthians 7:10-11

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. ¹¹See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.

The object of repentance is not exclusively the sin itself, but the effect the sin has on a relationship.

Love for the relationship puts the sin in context. This is the driver for repentance (godly sorrow). If there is no love for the relationship, there is no drive (or even need) to repent!

Our relationship with God reflects the same idea. Do we repent primarily over our sin - or over what the sin has done to our fellowship with God? It's almost impossible to regret a wayward action and turn from it (godly repentance) if that action has no relational significance.

Hating sin is meaningless without an understanding of how it affects our personal relationship with God.

The same is true with our brothers and sister in Christ, with our spouses and with our children.

Hate your sin. But don't just hate the sin. Hate what it does to your relationships!

The sin cycle (many examples in Judges with Israel as a nation) includes separation, regret, repentance, forgiveness, and restoration.

Example of RFR: Story of David and Bathsheba

2 Samuel 12

The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, "There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.  4 "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."  5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."  7 Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'  11 "This is what the LORD says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' "  13 Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD."       Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, the son born to you will die."  15 After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.  18 On the seventh day the child died. David's servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."  19 David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked. "Yes," they replied, "he is dead."  20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.  21 His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"  22 He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."  24 Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The LORD loved him; 25 and because the LORD loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah.  26 Meanwhile Joab fought against Rabbah of the Ammonites and captured the royal citadel. 27 Joab then sent messengers to David, saying, "I have fought against Rabbah and taken its water supply. 28 Now muster the rest of the troops and besiege the city and capture it. Otherwise I will take the city, and it will be named after me."  29 So David mustered the entire army and went to Rabbah, and attacked and captured it. 30 He took the crown from the head of their king —its weight was a talent of gold, and it was set with precious stones—and it was placed on David's head. He took a great quantity of plunder from the city 31 and brought out the people who were there, consigning them to labor with saws and with iron picks and axes, and he made them work at brickmaking. He did this to all the Ammonite towns. Then David and his entire army returned to Jerusalem.

The progression:

1. Guilty! (David is caught) v7

2. God tells David (through Nathan) how much he loves him vv7-8

3. God lays out David's sin v9

4. God describes the consequences of David's sin vv10-12

5. David acknowledges his sin v13

6. David repents (Psalm 51)

7. God forgives David v13, 24-25

8. David accepts God's forgiveness (Psalm 32)

9. David acts to restore the relationship (2 Sam 12:26-31)

So the steps are:

1. acknowledge the sin (which damaged the relationship)

2. repent of the sin in a godly way

3. in humility, ask forgiveness from the one sinned against

4. accept the forgiveness offered

5. act to restore the relationship (demonstrate willingness to re-engage and participate in the relationship)

Closing points to take away:

• Repentance begins with the offender.

• Asking forgiveness from another human being is an act of humility. At that point, you are no longer in control of the situation. Nor can you dictate the conditions of your apology.

• To say, "I'm sorry," is to acknowledge a mistake. To ask forgiveness is to acknowledge the motives of your heart.

• Sorrow is subjective and can range from little to great.

• Forgiveness is objective and has no middle ground; it's absolute (meaning it's either offered or it's not). There's no such thing as partial forgiveness.

• Restoration is the ultimate objective. Restoring the relationship is what closes the offense…and buries it.

Inspiration for this RFR study derives from three sources:

1. Growing Kids God's Way Leader's Manual (Chapter 13).

2. the Bible (NIV quoted).

3. God's desire to have the Houston church draw closer to him and to each other through the

restoration process, to mend damaged or broken relationships.